Chiquita on the Friend who became a Fake-o Robot Kappa

I don't normally blog about things like this, but I am just so worked up about it that I am going to blog about my soap opera tragedy teenage girl life just this once.

Once upon a time I had this friend, lets call her Smordan. It was funny how we became friends. Originally, we really didn't get along. We ended up getting close over the mutual dislike of another girl who had seriously betrayed both of our friendships. I really liked hanging out with this girl. She was stylish, she had a great taste in music. We liked the same things. She was a fun person to go to parties with. She liked to dance and be funny, not just stand there being insecure. I never really shared much of deep personal self with her, but she was just a fun friend to have.
Our friendship became complicated on my 17th birthday. I had some friends who lived in Tama, and we decided to go visit them, without telling our parents. It was my idea, but Smordan was eager for an adventure. Tama was a lot farther than we thought. It took us almost two hours to get to my friends house. Long story short, Smordan has this mom, she's crazy. Let's call her "the devil". The Devil was unreasonably strict. She acted like Smordan was doing drugs or something. She wasn't. We are good girls, it wasn't like that. Anyways, on this particular night, The Devil called and demanded that Smordan come home immediately. That was a trick we just couldn't pull off seeing as how we were so far away. So eventually the truth came out. We were busted. The Devil talked to me on the phone, and she told me to "stay away from her daughter. I was poison to her, and she hopes Smordan will eventually see me for who I am. Until that time comes, I will help her by doing everything in my power to keep her away from you." I knew how much Smordan wished she could have some freedom. How much she always said she hated her mother. So i said "She hates you you know. She tells me ten times a day every single day. She can't wait until she can go to college and finally be rid of you. When you call, she doesn't say 'its my mom' she says 'its the psycho'. So for as long as Smordan is even remotely within my reach, I will do everything in my power to keep our friendship alive."
I think that's why the Devil hates me so much, because I stood up to her. Anyways, after that night Smordan and I had to be really sneaky if we wanted to hang out. We still hung out quite a bit for a while. We sort of faded by the time Smordan went to school, but we were still on pretty good terms. I couldn't really talk to her anymore, because her mom supposedly forced her to block me from her facebook and her twitter.
Tonight I found out that she thinks I've "gone off the deep end". When I found this out, I inquired as to how I'd done this. I was told that Smordan had heard "rumors" about me. What rumors you ask? I have STD's. (yea, apparently the fact that I've been dating the same respectable gentleman for the past NINE months isn't relevent). Where did I get these STD's, you ask? Well, from slutting around Iowa City of course. (I'd just like to point out the fact that i still don't drive). Then, once I'd contracted all these STD's, I brought them back to cedar rapids and spread them to a bunch of Kennedy kids. (I've said this on my blog before, I don't have many friends at Kennedy. I don't see anyone except Rachel outside of school). When my friend who was talking to Smordan said that i don't drive, so i can't get there myself, and I really spend all my time with my boyfriend, Smordan replied, "Do you really believe that?" If you don't, ask my boyfriend. To prove to my friend that I do in fact have STD's, Smordan informed her that a nurse of some kind showed the Devil my "case file". Now. Not only did I whore myself out to all of eastern iowa, I also won't be graduating from high school. How does Smordan know this? Well, one of the kennedy counselors told the Devil, she looked me up on the school computer. (Lets ignore the fact that both the school nurse and the counselor would be fired if this was true). There's more. I got a girl kicked off the Kennedy volleyball team. (I DON'T KNOW ANYONE WHO PLAYS ON THE VOLLEYBALL TEAM). Not only that, but there were stolen goods found in my apartment. (First of all, I don't live in an apartment. I live in a duplex. Secondly, there were no stolen goods found in my house. There wasn't a search to find stolen goods in my house. There are no stolen goods in my god damn house.)

So much for taking up knitting, right? This is what I have been doing lately, according to these people. I'd just like to say that for the record, not a shred of this bs is true. As if i needed to say that. Do people really think that of me? I feel like this should hurt my feelings, but it doesn't. I just feel sorry for who ever started these rumors. They obviously have too much time on their hands. Perhaps they should get a job, because the whole house wife deal isn't really working out for them as we can all see.